Things I know...

There's really not a lot I know for sure.  I think I know a lot of stuff, but I'm just not SURE about that much. Out of many years of parenting experience, I have come away with a few things that I'm pretty sure about, though.

Things I know about parenting:

1. What works for me and my family may not work for you and yours.

2. Pick your battles because you really don't have as much control as you think you do.

3. You can't love your kids too much, but you can protect them too much. And too little.

4. At some point (possibly not abruptly at age 18 or when they go off to college or move into their own apartment) you will have to relinquish almost all of the control that you (thought you) had.

5. When that happens, you have to hope/trust that you gave them the tools they need to make good decisions.

6. They will not allow you to vicariously make their mistakes. They will mostly want to make their own mistakes. Firsthand.

7. Therefore, your time is best spent while they are young- coaching, reasoning, explaining, giving lots of information and even more love, and sharing experiences and lessons even if you think they aren't listening. Because they're listening more than you think they are.  This is not the same as coaxing and cajoling. 

8. Oh, also, don't expect better behavior from them than you can model for them yourself.  If you lose your temper, expect that they will, too.  If you act sarcastic or snotty to them, they're probably going to do the same to you.  Remember, you are the parent and the adult.  These things aren't necessarily bad, we just can't hold our kids to a standard higher than we hold ourselves to.

9. I really don't know very much. We're always just doing the best we can with what we have. Beating ourselves up about potential mistakes really is pointless. In the long run, the things you fear are/were mistakes may be the best things you ever do as a parent.  You're doing better than you think you are, and if you second-guess at least every other decision you make, then you're probably doing great!

10. See number 1.

I have a lot of experience in the parenting arena.  I have a wonderful, complicated, crazy mess of a family that includes 5 stepkids, 3 biological kids, a bunch of grandkids, 4 exchange daughters from 3 different countries (at different times), and myriad pets. The age range from oldest stepdaughter to youngest biological child spans 20 years, and the oldest grandkid is only 2 years younger than the youngest kid.  I've co-facilitated about ten 14-week parenting groups with teen parents, court-ordered parents, and every other family configuration you can think of.  I helped moderate some of the first step-mom/step-parenting resources on the internet, including the original "Stepmoms' Retreat" and the step-parenting page on ParentSoup, which later became part of iVillage.